23 Skidoo

22nd November 2009

Text reblogged from (Only) Halfway to Everywhere

The Truth About Writing and About Life

halfwaytoeverywhere:

“It goes against the American storytelling grain to have someone in a situation he can’t get out of, but I think this is very unusual in life. There is the implication that if you just have a little more energy, a little more fight, the problem can always be solved. This is so untrue it makes me want to cry—or laugh.” -Kurt Vonnegut

17th November 2009

Text

On Feeling Too Much

Sometimes I just miss being able to curl up in a ball and rest. I miss jumping onto the couch and rolling around and not worrying about my next move. I miss being able to dance without hesitation and sit without consequence. I miss the feeling of not feeling every step I take. I miss the warmth of the sun and the comfort of a bubble bath. I miss the sense of contentment that comes from fulfilling a craving. I miss laughing with my whole body. I miss “feeling” like me.

But I have a bed that welcomes me when I am able to relax. And I can dance with caution, which is better than not dancing at all. And I can laugh as loud as I want, as long as I am careful. I can close my eyes and dream of a pain-free utopia, but still be relieved to open them and realize that a smile from him is better than any dream I could ever conceive.

They say I feel too much. My nerves are sensitive and raw, both inside and out. But I’ll always feel love more than pain. And one day, when love eclipses my pain completely, I’ll be ready to dance without caution and all the nervous hesitation will disappear. And I’ll laugh with my whole body and smile at him, knowing we both felt the same all along, in our very own utopia.